“It begins with a dizzying sense
Of the uncontrolled.
Spinning recklessly,
Breathlessly,
While forging my limbs to lead.”
—Sarah Edmonds

Hi everyone!

I’m going to be upfront you all about something before we dive in:

Anxiety and failure.

When I first started this blog I made up my mind to post lighthearted and occasionally more melancholic content once a week. Week 2 came and passed and I’ve already failed that.

Now, it’s not that I have some overwhelming work schedule or that I’m taking copious amounts of classes—in fact, I’m taking three classes and am in the middle of a job hunt. No. I have an abundance of time on my hands. What I don’t have, however, is an abundance of self-confidence.

I’m sure many of you are all familiar with the routine of setting lofty goals, failing to meet your own impossible expectations, and then starting the cycle all over again.

As writers and other creatives, it’s hard not to take those moments personally since our work is so deeply rooted in our sense of self. However, I think it’s so incredibly important to understand that there’s no such thing as a moment wasted.

At least personally, I’m constantly caught up in a sort of vicious mental masochism where every instant not spent writing or plotting or planning or researching or editing or producing is an utter failure of passion. If I’m in my room playing Yoshi Story or binge-watching The Last Airbender for the tenth time then I am, without fail, berating myself for not devoting myself fully to my craft.

It gets so bad that I shut down.

I can’t focus my thoughts on any one project long enough to make any meaningful progress. I can’t write a single poem to keep up my Instagram page, I can’t finish line edits for a fifteen page story in one sitting, and I can’t write down a conversational 500 word blog post to share with you.

I shut down and then I feel guilty. Then it gets worse.

But I’m trying to break this mentality. Video games are stories that engage the audience in a way no other mediums can. Television and film provide beautiful studies for scene and dialogue composition—for everyone, not just filmmakers. Basically, here’s what I’m trying to say:

Life is inspiration. In all it’s points. High and low, the studious moments and the lounging ones. Even when you feel like you can’t produce a single word or second of work.

All life, your life, and all aspects of yourself should be your inspiration.

Contrary to that statement, I’m not one of those pull-from-life writers—at least not directly—but you’d be surprised at what teeny tiny details worm their way in.

It’s easier said than done, of course, but remember to appreciate every moment. Each one makes up who you are. And never be afraid to admit when you need help. Sometimes it’s hard to get out of your own head but I can promise there’s always someone who can listen and who can help.

Now, I’m no professional in these matters, of course, but I know what it’s like to struggle. If you ever need someone to listen, I’m here for you.

May all be well,
Sarah E.